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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28604583">visions of our past</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/'>Anonymous</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Drinking, Happy Ending?, M/M, Minor Character Death, Time Travel, Up for interpretation, but like really minor mention of it, but not really, i guess?, karl does not deal with anything well, karl gets a gift to help with that, karl is the time traveller, no beta we die like men, sapnap is dead</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 08:14:04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,179</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28604583</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>sapnap is gone, and karl receives a present to help with the grief.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Karl Jacobs/Sapnap</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>52</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Anonymous</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>visions of our past</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It still doesn't feel real to him, even weeks after the fact. That he was gone. For <em> real </em>. It didn't feel real at the funeral, or when friends gave whispered condolences. It didn't feel real when he had to say goodbye. It didn't feel real as he lay in his bed through long, long nights, sending message after message to a now ownerless account. </p><p> </p><p>It didn't feel real when there was a flash of bright light in his room one night, and some...<em> creature </em> appeared by the foot of his bed. It didn't seem to have a true physical form--shifting into something new as soon as Karl blinked. </p><p>“I have a gift for you,” the creature says. </p><p>And it’s weird, because it doesn't seem to have a <em> mouth </em> or anything, but their voice still echoes in his room and rings through his ears. </p><p>“What are you?”<br/>
It hums, a wildly unpleasant noise, and waves it's arm dismissively. “It does not matter.”</p><p>In their hand, a white ball of energy begins to glow. “You’re upset. Over your loss. I can help you make it better--I can help you heal.”<br/>
“What could you do to help?” he asks quietly.</p><p>Their eyes seem to widen, even as they shift around on its body rapidly. “I believe your kind calls it time travel.”</p><p>Karl scoffs out a laugh, rolling his eyes. “<em> Sure </em>. Okay! Guys, this has been really funny, but I don't want your help wit--”</p><p>The creature tosses the ball of energy to him, and he just barely manages to catch it, looking from it to the creature quickly before it explodes in his hands--whiting out the world. </p><p> </p><p>~</p><p> </p><p><em> The rules go like this, </em> he hears the creatures voice say, <em> you can go anywhere you want with him. You just need the memory. But you can't change the outcome. You cannot change the future. It is set. While you’re gone, I’ll set a copy of yourself to function--you can come back whenever you like. Travel as you please. But learn to heal.  </em></p><p> </p><p>~</p><p> </p><p>He blinks awake, sprawled out on a bed he hasn't slept in for a long time. He hasn't been in this <em> house </em>for a long time. He sits up quickly, looking around. </p><p>“Karl? What’s wrong? It’s early…” </p><p>His breath catches in his throat as he looks and sees Sapnap half asleep, looking disgruntled. </p><p>“Oh my god.” Karl breathes. </p><p>“What?”<br/>
“Uh, nothing. Let’s...let’s go back to sleep.”<br/>
He yawns. “Seconded.” </p><p>Karl takes a moment to let himself freak out, because Sapnap was here, <em> alive, </em> when less than five minutes ago he had only been a memory of the past. And because he <em> remembers </em> this day. But that had been part of the rules, hadn't it? He had to remember it. This day wasn't anything particularly <em> special </em>or anything--in fact it had been average. But it had been one of the first things that had come into his mind. </p><p>He tries not to think too hard on it as he lays back down and curls up against him, the relief that he was <em> here </em>almost painful. Karl lets out a shuddery sigh, and gives Sapnap a quick hug, smiling slightly at his grumble. </p><p>He wondered how he got back--to his own time. Did he just have to think about it or--</p><p> </p><p>~</p><p> </p><p>When he opens his eyes from blinking, he’s back in his room. His actual modern day whatever you wanted to call it room. And it was horribly, horribly lonely. So he thought of going back to him again. </p><p> </p><p>#</p><p> </p><p>Karl wasn't sure how much actual time he had spent going back. He just knew that he was glad there wasn't a limit. Getting to see him again was enough. It made the ache in his heart go away until he came back to his real time, and that was almost enough. Karl goes back and visits their first kiss--the awkward laughter afterwards and shy smiles something he hadn't really thought about until he lived through it again. He visits the rainy days where they cuddle in bed long after they should've gotten up, warm under the covers until one of them announces that they’re <em> starving </em>and throws the blankets off the both of them, forcing them up to start the day. He goes back to the summer nights where they sit on the back porch swing--both just a little bit drunk off cheap beer--and whisper jokes to each other that leave them collapsed against each other in laughter. Back to the time they watched that dumb bird documentary--important because that was the first time Sapnap had told Karl he loved him. He goes to that one a lot. Karl finds himself wishing he could live forever in these pockets of time--he didn't want to go to a time where this wasn't real. </p><p>~<br/>
<em> I love you, </em>Karl thinks bitterly. </p><p>“I love you.” Sapnap says. </p><p>The quiet that follows weighs on Karl’s shoulders. He yanks himself from the moment and throws himself back to the future. Pressing the heels of his palms into his eyes, he watches white starbursts explode behind his eyelids.<br/>
“You are not getting better.”</p><p>He looks up quickly, blinking the stars away before he can see the creature again.<br/>
“ <em> You </em>.” </p><p>“It’s me.” It agrees. </p><p>“You ruined me.”<br/>
“You’ve grown bitter.”</p><p>“You <em> cursed me </em> .”<br/>
“I gave you a gift.” </p><p>“This isn't a gift anymore,” Karl chokes out, “I hate it. I don't want it anymore. I’ve lived through every moment a hundred times. I’m tired of it.”<br/>
“Then don't visit.”<br/>
“I <em> miss him </em>.” </p><p>Karl hates how his voice breaks. </p><p>“You are misusing it,” the creature says gently. “You are not healing. You are trying to live through your memories without moving forward.”<br/>
“All you gave me was <em> phantoms </em> of what I once had. He’s not actually there. I wish I had never gone back.”<br/>
The creature shakes their head, almost looking disappointed. “You’ll learn over time.”<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>#<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>The creature watches him. It doesn't have much else to do. They’ve been watching since the beginning--since he went back blinded by the euphoria of having something lost returned. Since he became bitter and mocking towards the scripted reel that was memory. And it watches. It watches as he spends time in his rightful time--moving forwards with his life without travelling back for a long, long time. He visits the grave of the one he loves, and leaves purple flowers across the stone with a name the creature can't be bothered to remember. He fixes the relationships he had let decay in his absence, and heals. The creature watches as he goes back one day--when he sits and cries for hours and hours before going back to a memory that only holds worth to him. It watches as he only visits on the times when it seems like the world is collapsing around him in a hailstorm of embers and fire. And it’s only when the creature sees the cracks start to stitch together that they turn away from their watching.<br/>
<br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hello uhhh this was mainly written just for funsies n stuff if you read hope yall enjoyed :y</p></blockquote></div></div>
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